Pooplog

Quick Maths

515 Total poops

1,41 Poops per day

40 Unique toilets

3,89 Average consistency

Methodology

Over the course of one year, every instance of defecation was recorded in a spreadsheet. I defined defecation: a sit, a loaf, a wipe, and a flush. Courtesy flushes, half an hour slugfests, and multiple wipe and poo sessions did not increase the tally more than once. I recorded four statistics regarding each poop: date, time, location, and consistency. Consistency was measured via eyeball, in reference to the Bristol Stool Scale (figure 1). Without further ado, let's get into this mess, my own tales of umber.

Volume

Sum of N-poop days

Shows the number of n-poop days I had this year. With an average of 1.4, it's not surprising that most frequently one poop days occurred, followed by two poop days. Strangely enough I did go through 24 with no poops. The smallest slice of our graph are days I remember vividly, four poop days, these miasma filled days I'd rather forget, but I stand with data integrity and the data don't lie.

Poops by Location

Predictably, my most frequent poop locations occurred at work, with a secondary location of my home. Assuming each poop averaged five minutes, at New York State minimum wage ($14.20), pooping on the company dime will have made me around $2896.80 this year.

Time

Poops by day of week

No surprises here, consistent pooping during the week, and a slight dip in toilet trips on the weekend, as I usually have better things to do one the weekend!

Consistency by day

Here we really start to see a trend forming. A shaky plunge in the looseness of my stool on Sunday mornings correlates to my habit of having a heavy dinner and heavy drinks on Saturday nights. Poops are fairly consistent during the week, most likely due to predictable coffee consumption.

Poops by month, Consistency by month

I averaged 42 poops per month, with a high of 53 in January and a low of 35 in August. The inconsistencies, taking into account the differences of days in a month, I found expected. The average consistency also varied wildly, with a high of 4.4 (October was a sloppy month), and a low of 3.5 in May. The only trend that seemed to hold true was a higher volume of poops during colder months. I attribute this to energy consumption increasing during winter, and therefor increasing my metabolism via thermogenesis.

Habits

Poops by hour

Predictably, my most frequent poops came during daylight hours, with the hour of 10-11 dominating my fecal frequency with 93 poops. This really highlights the effect stability has, specifically routine coffee drinking at around 10 o'clock. More surprising was the uptick of poops after 19:00, especially after hitting the near low of six 18:00 poops. One could infer that this was my cooking and eating time, after returning home from work.

Locations

I mapped a majority of the 40 different toilets that were blessed with my precious cheeks this year. Poop location of the year goes to the Museum of Modern Art in New York, which had exquisite granite flooring, perfect stall height, and a very generous bowl and seat. Worst poop location of the year goes to Milkies Elmwood Lounge. To be fair, I never learned my lesson, and ended up there 3 times. At least I could hear the open mic comedy set from my ivory throne.

Conclusion

Poop is funny, and I'm an idiot.